On July 7, 2011, our world fell apart when we heard those words that no soon to be parents want to hear, "there is no heartbeat". The next day I had a D&E. 3 weeks later we found out that the baby was a boy. I had been calling him Bubsy since early on in the pregnancy, but we officially named him Robert Alexander.
I don't think anyone can really understand this loss unless they have walked this road. Some people respond by ignoring it, others say things that might sound helpful but are rather hurtful- "at least you can get pregnant" or "you still have 3 healthy children" or "something must have been wrong with him".
In reality what most women going through this need a simple "I am sorry" or to be asked if they would like to talk. I know that for me (and other women have told me this as well) that the opportunity to talk about my child is one of the best things you can give me. No, I cannot tell you if he rolled over, or that he might be teething. But I can say his name, say I miss him, and just have someone else recognize his life, brief as it was.
So where do I go from here? It has been 5 wks and I am healing and moving on. I started a shop to sell memory boxes. I never have painted before doing this, but when I wanted something to put all of Robert's things into, I could not find anything I liked. So my first box was created and now I find I love doing it.
I spend time with my family and realize that I am lucky to have them. I am trying to get back into quilting baby quilts and also will be trying to get more involved with Little Mended Hearts (my daughter has congenital heart disease).
And hopefully we will have a healthy pregnancy and our "take home" baby some day.