Thursday, August 25, 2011

Getting by with a little help from my friends

There are times you realize that your friends may not know how to be there the way you need them to be. That is when you often times either are left struggling on your own, or maybe if you are lucky someone throws you a life line.

For me that life line came in the form of a support group of women who have been there and understood what I was going through. I could cry and know that they understood the reason for my tears. We could talk about things that we all had in common, the loss of our children. And I was able to connect with an old friend who had thrown me this life line.

I am not sure I would have thought before this about going to a support group, or that it would help, or even that I would have so much fun. But maybe it was that this was not like a meeting, it was more like a bunch of friends getting together for coffee. We sat in Panera Bread and just talked, though next time I will remember to bring more Kleenex's. The common theme was the loss of our children, whether it was at 15 wks, 25 wks or 42 wks. And it did not matter if the loss was 7 wks ago, 6 months ago, or 4 yrs ago, each of us was still missing our child and each had tears at various times.

An evening spent with these women and I had a better handle on how I was feeling and knew that it was ok to be sad or to cry, that the timeline for how I was feeling would not be linear or go on the same pattern as someone else's. It has given me something to look forward to and common ground with others. Look forward to coffee and talks, to having fun at the spa, and just investing in each others lives. I hope that as we get to know each other close relationships will form with this core group of women and that we will be there for each other in the future.

Is there a lifeline you can throw to someone? Maybe it is as simple as inviting them to coffee or to a Bible study.

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